This isnt the person who owns this Xanga. The person who had this Xanga Passed Away Wed. Aug 5th 2009 from a heroin over dose. I loved her very much......And still do.... the pain is so bad that she is gone. Her name was Denise. I'm the one who she is saying she hates and all that stuff in her pass blogs. We were together for almost 4 years and the last 9 months both of us became addicted to heroin. The weird thing is she would almost never say she hated me unless we were arguing and she got really pissed, but then she would apologize to me. We have been through allot togther, the day before she died, like 18 hours before she said to me " I will never be with another man but you, I love you so much".. An this was true cause she died the next day and never was with anyone else. It was like a sign from God asuring me that she left this world only loving me. I also over dosed on heroin that day but I some how fought the overdose and came back to, then I saw her there lying inches next to me, her eyes were open and she was looking right at me, but I just new she was gone. The very last thing she saw in this world was the one she loved so dearly that loved her so dearly back. She died looking right at me when I woke up, I saw this, and I will never forget this memory of her. SO, I never could under stand why she would write all this negative stuff about me.. I know for a fact she cared and loved me so much, but we did have the relationship problems like allot of other people. I miss her so very much  :( ........ And to be honest, many people would say we were soulmates we just had problems with drugs and stuff. I'm writing this because I wanted to see what you all think was going on. She was almost 2 sided it seems. I have known about this Xanga for a long time and just never told her because she wanted a private place to write what she felt. It was wrong of me to never tell her I knew about this Xanga profile. I just miss this girl so much. I have been clean off every drug since she died and I will never drink or drug again. Her death has fucked me up for ever...... We dint have enough time togther thats for sure.. I seen she wrote she hates me and wants me out and she has said things to me but we ALWAYS worked things out after the fights. She was my soulmate I know that and i wish she was back with me. Does anyone believe I will see her again? I need to see her again and just tell her I love her and I'm sorry for everything.... All are friends feel so bad for me and I have taken on a new life from this. I'm already starting my new job for God and I"m going to just help Gods children from here on out. If anyone here knows anything about AA the 12th step is to help others for the rest of your life and thats what im doing already.. I'm doing this for Denise because I guess I couldnt help her so in her memory I will help people from now on. I also overdosed that day and to be honest I wanted to..  (THE TYPING IS MESSED UP SORRY) I said to Denise I want to kill myself today, and she asked if I would get enough heroin so she could kill herself also. So we got TONS of heroin, enough to kill two full grown elephants.. For some reason it didnt work for me? I believe God and or Denise's sprit entered my body that day and saved my life. Its the only explanitation? I wanted to die so bad and so did Denise. We wanted to go togther and be in heaven or where ever the next place is togther.. we just had so much pain in this world but we wanted to be togther where ever we were.. This is why i dont get why she writes this horrible stuff about me on here? Any thoughts or question you can post me back would bwe greatly apprieciated? Thanx........................................................................

 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH????????????????

                                 BABY, I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!

So Sorry Denise that I'm writing in your private Xanga but i just thought some of your friends from here should know you passed... If you can see down at me from where ever you are I just want you to know I'm sorry for this.. And I Love You So Much....!!!! You Know!!!

does anyone else get this feeling in ur chest that tells you you're losing weight cuz it feels like ur body is eating away at itself? or is it just me..

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The guy situation may be improving very slowly anyway. I think I can get him out of here I just hope its asap but he's so difficult so i'll just have to wait it out and see.
I got in a verbal fight this morning with my crackhead whore, bed bug infested, trashy ass, slut bag of a neighbor who keeps putting her shit on my back steps no matter how many times the landlord tells her not too. She was supposed to get evicted days ago but now it got put off b/c her loser crackhead bf got arrested for mail fraud, forgery of govt checks and whatever other charges go along with it. So she needs him here to move and get the van and shit. Well I'd had it with her putting the shit on my steps so i went out to calmly ask her to please stop and she cut me off in mid sentence and started screaming at me and calling me names so I gave it back to her 10 fold bc the shit she said to me wasnt even true and everything I said about her is well known proven fact. Plus I was already at my wit's last end with her. This bitch is like 40 and acts like a child. So basically I just lost my cool because she has put this whole apt. building through hell by infesting the building with bed bugs she knowingly brought with her when she moved in.
I FUCKIN HATE HER LAME FAKE STUPID BITCH ASS so fuckin baddd.
plz excuse my excessive use of language and if it bothers u sorry.

102 lbs today. my medication is making me drop weight like theres no tomorrow. for me this is too thin. and to some or most of you that probably sounds crazy.... i just dont like the whole skeleton look (pls dont take offense to that its not meant to be its just not my preference) and thats basically where I'm at.

Also my personal life is so down the drain its killin me 

FUCK.

hope everyone is doing good... I'm am on here next to never. goodluck to you all with reaching your goals. and I hope life is treating you all ok. life can be harsh as you all know so just be strong and fight through the storm the best you can.

<3

~D

side note... on my previous post someone left a comment.... not knowing whether I have an ED or not.... its actually kinda funny if you wanna check it out real quick... but anyway...  so to not cause anyone else the same confusion. I most certainly do have an ED and I have been dealing with them (anorexia, bulimia, compulsive OE, and ednos) for 14 yrs. so yes I am most definetly ED'd.